What a rollercoaster ride full of emotions this last couple of weeks has been. We will dive into each of these.
“The email” we received last Thursday stating that we were rejected.
After reading this email I was initially angry, confused, and sad.
Angry - because we were once again rejected, leaving us with no hope of having the family that we yearn so deeply for.
Confused - because how can an agency reject someone off of one person’s opinion and not ask for an additional reference.
Sad - because we would not be able to have a family.
After this the emails, texts, and messages started flowing in about this being part of God's plan and that we should trust in God. This is possibly just something that I deal with, but during those times that is the last thing I wanted to hear. I was angry at God for allowing this to happen to us and I started doubting that there was a God. In my head I started to go through all of my biblical education that I have had and started a case that there is evidence that there is not a God.
Yes, I know and believe there is a God, but this was just a dark place I was in, and the encouragement from others was not helping, it was making things worse.
Fast forward to the day after memorial day.
I was about to go into work for the day and Sarah called me that I needed to check my email. We just received another email saying that they had a change of heart and that we were able to continue with the Philippines program, but at anytime this journey may come to an abrupt end.
What a crazy thought - we thought our journey was ended but now it will continue if we want.
I was initially excited and then fear kept creeping in. If we were rejected so quickly what happens if this happens again and financially this is the end; as we cannot keep going through this as it is financially straining. This time it would be quite a leap of faith.
My thoughts started going again about fear. I started to compile a list of people that have dealt with fear. I thought about how Noah faced fear about the flood, Daniel faced fear in the lions den, David faced fear against Goliath, Wright Brothers faced fear when they started to fly. In each of these instances they all persevered and continued in their quest. All of these instances always ended positively.
Then I thought:
This is our second chance and we need to cling to the hope and not the fear.
We must continue to push forward to our goal of having a family. No one said it would be easy but it will be worth it. Worth it to able to go for bike rides, play catch or build legos with a child.
Take a leap of faith! When’s the last time that you dealt with something that was fearful? We would love to hear how you were able to overcome it!
Hope you have a blessed day!
Caleb E. Elsea
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