"We have a lot of questions about you we cannot answer..."
It's the email you never want to receive from your agency when you are almost done with your home study. We were so excited to be almost finished with our home study and to be able to move on to the waiting process for our children. Now it felt like we hit a roadblock -in fact, it felt like we hit a brick wall. The agency we had spent over 9 months working with and pouring out our lives and hearts to, felt they did not have enough answers about us...we are two people who love God and each other and who YEARN to love a child in the way that God has shown love to us. We just want to be parents and love our children and bring them up in a safe and nurturing Christian home. We did not anticipate that we would be leaving our agency...we thought domestic adoption was the obvious answer for us. The reason we had chosen this agency was because of how they worked with foster care to adopt...we yearned to add children to our home that were waiting in the foster care system...Now that possibility was becoming a distant dream.
So here we were, receiving an email that to us seemed like a rejection letter that you would receive from a job interview. We prayed and cried with confusion and broken hearts, wondering, "Why God, why would You let this happen?"
We have come to realize even more than ever that adoption requires OPEN HANDS. So we opened our hands to God, surrendering the ideas we had about our family and how our family was going to be built and letting Him take control.
"God, take us where You want us to go."
It hurt and the process was not without pain, but in the end, it has given us peace.
When one door closes, you look for the door that was open all along.
My first thoughts were, "This experience is going to keep us from ever adopting a child." As the events of the past week were unfolding and we had more time to process what had just happened, we realized that we did not have a peace through the whole home study with this particular agency, we did not have a peace during the training...there were some beliefs in this agency that do not line up with our beliefs and what we stand for as a family.
Now we see that God was protecting us...if we are going to give our money to an adoption agency, shouldn't that be an agency that is helping others in the name of Jesus? So, we are now pursuing an international adoption with a Christian agency. Yes, this is a big step of faith...why? Because our child is worth it. We will not give up, we will not stop pursuing, we will not be dragged down by more paperwork or more money because out there is our child(ren). Does a mom or a dad give up when their child needs them? Absolutely not! And even though we do not know them yet, even though we have not held their little hand in our own or felt their heart beating against our chest...even though we have not been able to run our fingers through their hair or look them in the eyes or kiss their cheek...WE LOVE them. We love them because with each beat of our hearts, we know God has placed adoption in our hearts for a reason...our babies are out there. And when your babies need you, you come running. So here we are, running, no matter how hard it is and no matter how long we have to wait, we are coming...
Prayer: We are talking with All God's Children International next week about their program with the Philippines. Pray for guidance and for us to continue to seek God's hand and the direction He has for us.
Ephesians 1:4-5
"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."
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